Lesbos or Bust
by karp-about-the-karp
Summary: Brittany and Santana's trip around the world: first Lesbos, then Hawaii, and finally ending in New York, New York. Canon until 5x13.
1. Flight 429

***You have 2 new messages from Puckerman***

_You slept with my girlfriend on valentines day?_

_...Do you have pics?_

Santana's eyes widened as she checked her messages.

"Ma'am, we require cell phones to be turned off at this time," said the stewardess as she passed by.

"Oh, right, sorry," said Santana, shutting her phone off.

"What was that about?" asked Brittany, noticing Santana's reaction to her texts.

"Puckerman's just being ...well, Puckerman about my drunken v-day night with Q," said Santana, frowning slightly.

"Quinn told him about her 'gay for a day' shenanigans?" asked Brittany, a little surprised, "Maybe they will make it after all..."

"I really think they might," said Santana, nodding, "At least, if Quinn sticks with this personality."

Brittany laughed, "...Hey, you never told me, how did your break up go?"

"Um..." said Santana thinking back on how she broke things off:

_"Hey... um, it's Santana. Can't believe I got your machine, at ...5 in the morning. Anyway... Listen, I think we should break up. Let's face it, we're not at all right for each other. ...Just so we're clear, and nothing's ambiguous, this is me, officially, breaking up with you. And don't worry about having to see me around the diner, I'm actually going to be traveling abroad for the foreseeable future. ...Okay, well, have a nice day, bye."_

Brittany stifled a laugh, "You called her when you knew she wouldn't be awake to answer?"

"I will neither confirm nor deny that," said Santana. Brittany rolled her eyes at Santana's avoidance of confrontation.

"Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your Captain speaking. We're are just about ready for lift off. We have two layovers, first in Chicago, then London, and we should be in Athens, Greece in under 22 hours. We know you have a choice when you fly, and thank you for choosing Royalty Airlines."

"Here we go," said Brittany, suddenly clasping Santana's hand that was lying on the arm rest.

"Britt, are you nervous?" asked Santana, noticing her apparent anxiety.

"It's just, now that I know about aerodynamics and the mechanical engineering behind airplanes, I know exactly how many things can go wrong, in flight," said Brittany, looking a little queasy, "There could be engine failure, fuel tank ignition, reverse thrust, depressurization... Not to mention birds getting sucked into the turbojet propellers..."

"Hey, it's going to be _fine_," said Santana, reassuringly.

"Statistically, it is the safest way to travel," said Brittany, nodding, "One of my colleagues at MIT figured out that the risk of death for passengers on commercial airline flights is one in forty-five million flights."

"You know, I have to say, the genius speak is totally hot," said Santana, "How about, once the seat belt light isn't flashing, you and I join the mile high club. Just to take your mind off of the flight."

"Well, I could use a distraction," said Brittany, with a smile.


	2. Layover in London

"No _way_," said Brittany, looking up at Big Ben.

"What?" asked Santana, looking around, trying to find what Brittany was looking at.

"Oh, never mind," said Brittany, glancing at her watch, "For a second, I thought we might have time traveled on the plane ride, and proved my theory of randomized time acceleration, but, then I remembered: time zones."

"Speaking of time travel, is it just me, or has time slowed down these past few months?" asked Santana, "I feel like it's been a year since you left for MIT. ...I guess time just crawls by when you're missing someone."

Brittany smiled and gave Santana long kiss, "It really does."

* * *

Brittany and Santana did all the touristy London things they could squeeze in on their nine hour London layover. They used the Double-decker bus, took a ride on the London Eye, and bought as many Cadbury chocolates as they could carry. Santana had Brittany take her picture by the blue police phone box in Earl's Court Station. And at Buckingham palace, Brittany tried her hardest to make the Queen's guard laugh. The best she did was get one of them to comically drop his jaw, which she accomplished by making out with Santana directly in front of him.

* * *

"I know I'm the one who suggested we do this," whispered Santana, "But this is creepy as hell..."

"Yeah, let's ditch and go get dinner," said Brittany. They were on an after dark walking tour of the murder sites of Jack the Ripper, clutching each other tightly and freaking out every time they heard so much as a twig snap.

* * *

"Hey Hummel," said Santana, answering her phone, "How's tricks?" She was sitting alone at a table in a restaurant.

"Everything's good here. How's London, mate?" asked Kurt, trying out a British accent, "Did you visit the Crawley estate yet?"

"You do know that show is not based on a real family, right?" asked Santana, who had been forced by Kurt to watch the entire first series of Downton Abbey, "Also, that British accent makes you sound like Eliza Doolittle, pre-Higgins."

"Yeah, I won't be trying that again... Any who," said Kurt, back to speaking normally, "I still don't really understand how you two can afford to take this gay-cation for an undisclosed period of time. I mean, exactly how much money did your mother give you? And on a related note, is she interested in adopting a gay son? So she can have one of each."

"I think she's all set," said Santana, rolling her eyes,"But actually, Britt figured out how to card count at MIT, and then she and the Math Department went to Vegas for spring break... so her mathematical genius is what's funding us, for the most part."

"What? Isn't card counting illegal?" asked Kurt.

"Not technically," said Santana, "I think it's more frowned upon than illegal... But, I've got to go, we only have a couple of hours before our flight, and Britt just came back from the bathroom. I'll let you know if there are any Posh and Beckham sightings."

"Pictures or it didn't happen," said Kurt.

"Later Hummel," said Santana.

"I kind of wish we could stay here for longer," said Brittany, sitting down at their table as Santana hung up her phone, "It's such an eccentric, quirky little country; where the teeth are bad, the chocolates are extra delicious, and the vocabulary is way more fun."

"British slang _is_ way more fun," said Santana, agreeing wholeheartedly.

Brittany nodded, "I'm going to miss hearing people say 'Lollipop men' and 'lifts' and 'flats'... Ooh, and 'eggy bread'. I just wish I could talk like that without sounding like a total arse."

"We've only been here, what... seven hours, and you've already gone native," said Santana, checking her watch, "What's going to happen when we spend a whole 'fortnight' in Lesbos?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," said Brittany, winking and perusing the menu.

* * *

"So, catch me up," said Santana, after they ordered, "How was Massachusetts? You know, minus the whole human math machine misadventure."

"Hmm," said Brittany, thinking back, "Well, I practically lived at MIT's tech innovation lab, so most of the time I was there I was inside doing mathematical experiments. And I didn't really have any breakthroughs, since I was only there for a few months, so I don't really have any good stories to tell... Oh, except, liquid nitrogen ice cream night at the lab was always insane... Scientists really go crazy for liquid nitrogen ice cream..."

"What about on weekends?" asked Santana, "You must have been able to go out and do stuff. They couldn't have kept you chained to the lab the entire time."

"I did go out a few times. Cambridge is funky cool, and it's diversity is impressive. It has everyone: college hipsters, fashionable Asians, nerdy Asians, ladies in burkas, Hasidic Jews... You name it."

Santana nodded, interested and also wondering why she hadn't experienced similar diversity in New York City.

"And when it got warmer, I went bike riding on the Esplanade a couple of times. It was _wicked_ beautiful. It's this bike path that runs alongside the Charles River, and it goes from Cambridge to Boston. Oh, and one of the coolest things I saw was at the Boston Museum of Science. It has this musical staircase, where each step plays a note when you step on it."

"What? How does it do that?" asked Santana.

"Lasers," said Brittany, "Pretty cool, huh? I really wanted to incorporate the stairs in a musical number, but I was there with a bunch of tone deaf astrophysicists, so it didn't really work out..."

Santana laughed, "Just don't tell Berry about it. She'll organize the next glee club reunion there. She's always on the look out for an innovative, public performance opportunity."

"What about you? What happened in New York?" asked Brittany, "I want to know everything."

"Well, I got a couple of odd jobs: tending bar, waitressing, lesbian beer garden bouncing. So that kept me pretty busy..." Santana paused, thinking back, "Um, I did take a dance class. My teacher was this bitter former prima ballerina, she had the cane and dressed fully in black and everything. And that's pretty much it. ...I auditioned for Funny Girl a couple of weeks ago, and then Berry and I had our blow out. She was insane, as usual. I mean, she slapped me, then tore up a picture of us, and moved out of the apartment. ...You know, she really was _born_ for theatrical drama..."

"She slapped you?" said Brittany, disbelieving.

"Yep, right in the face. But I'm kind of getting used to it," said Santana, thinking back on the past year, "It really happens _a lot_..."

"Well, most people can't handle your truth bombs," said Brittany, moving her hand across the table to hold Santana's, "It's an occupational hazard."

"Maybe I should quit my job then," said Santana.

"Don't say that, without you, everyone would be stuck in their own delusions."

"True," said Santana, nodding, "But still, I should probably take a self defense class or something..."

"Maybe Rachel could teach you Krav Maga," suggested Brittany.

* * *

After dinner, Brittany and Santana went walking along the Thames. It was a little chilly by the water, so Brittany had removed her jacket and put it around Santana's shoulders.

"I can't believe we're actually here," said Santana, as they stopped to admire the view, "We're in London, about to go on an island hopping vacation together. It's _the_ dream."

"Well, I already pinched myself a couple of times on the plane. So, no fear," said Brittany, "We're awake."

Santana leaned up and kissed Brittany. The kiss lasted for a little bit longer than was appropriate in a public setting.

* * *

Brittany and Santana arrived in Athens, Greece the next day. They were met at the airport terminal by an attractive Greek man holding a sign that read, 'Brittany S. Pierce and Guest'

"Who is that?" asked Santana, as he approached them.

"Nikos? Oh my god! It's so good to see you again," said Brittany, hugging him.

"You too, Brittany," said Nikos, breaking the hug.

"Nikos, this is Santana," said Brittany, pulling Santana in close to her, "My girlfriend."

"You two finally got back together? Congratulations!" said Nikos, smiling genuinely.

"Nikos' uncle is a prof at MIT. We met when he visited America a couple of months ago," explained Brittany.

"My uncle actually tried to set Brittany and me up while I was there," said Nikos, "We were supposed to all have dinner together at the Hyatt. But then at the last second he faked a stomach ache and left us to go out on our own."

"Oh?" said Santana, trying to be cool.

"Yes, but she just spent the whole night talking about you. She kept saying 'Santana would love this' or 'Santana would hate that' or 'Santana would verbally abuse that rude waiter until our meal was comped," said Nikos. Santana smiled and looked at Brittany for confirmation. Brittany looked a little embarrassed, but nodded.

"She went into such detail, I feel as though we are old friends already," said Nikos, looking at Santana. He then unexpectedly hugged her. Santana felt immediately uncomfortable hugging a stranger, and patted him on the back, awkwardly trying to signal that the hug should end.

"So what are you doing here?" asked Brittany, "How did you even know we were coming?"

"Well I saw your show, the Fondue for Two," said Nikos. Brittany was documenting their trip with a special Fondue for Two globetrotting miniseries.

"You said you'd be arriving in Athens at noon today, with a special someone. So, I thought I'd see if I could catch you at the airport. I tried calling, I guess you didn't get my messages."

"Oh, no, sorry," said Brittany, "My phone's been turned off."

"Ah," said Nikos, nodding, "Well, I was wondering if you two had any plans tonight?"

"No, we thought we'd just wander around Athens for the day," said Brittany.

"Our check in time at our hotel on Lesbos isn't until tomorrow," explained Santana, "So we were just going to try to find a cheap motel for the night."

"Well, if you're up for it. I came to invite you to a party tonight. My brother's visiting from Rome, he's going to get married at our grandparent's house this weekend. So, tonight my parents are throwing him a little celebration before the big day," said Nikos, "There will be home cooked food, music, dancing, and cake. Plus, you can stay at my grandparent's for the night."

"We wouldn't want to impose on your family," said Santana, hesitant to accept.

"Nonsense. It's no trouble at all," said Nikos, "In fact, I'll be insulted if you turn me down."

"In that case..." said Brittany. She paused as she quickly looked over at Santana to confirm that she agreed, "We're in."


End file.
